Try -- Miss Missouri 2017

In thirty days, a new Miss Missouri will be crowned. One woman will embark on a year of service representing the Show-Me State and advance to Miss America, while 29 others will go back to their communities to fulfill their role as a local titleholder.I get emotional when I think about the fact that a dream I had at 8 years old is one month away from becoming true. I still scream a little inside and get goosebumps thinking about it...it's so surreal to me. It probably won't sink in until I step on the Miss Missouri stage for the first time in just under a month. Phew, it's been a ride.For those of you know may not know, pageants have been a winding road for me. I competed for Miss Miller County Teen and won on my first try, as an awkward and shy incoming high school freshman. I did it for fun and experienced a lot of growth with the program, but my luck after that wasn't so hot. I tried a variety of talents, borrowed evening gowns, and tried to become the girl I thought the pageant world wanted. I competed for a few Miss Missouri Outstanding Teen local preliminaries over the course of a few years (the 'lil sister program' of sorts to Miss MO and Miss America) and none were successful. Competing for Miss Missouri, and eventually Miss America, was always in the back of my mind but I often tried to ignore it. Looking back, I think two things have kept me from pursuing my dream of Miss Missouri and/or Miss Missouri's Outstanding Teen:

(1) fear of failure

(2) fear of what people would say or think about me

Going to Kenya was an opportunity to escape the world I had become sheltered by and to find myself. I didn't want to be around the negativity of high school anymore. It is in Kenya, 8,533+ miles away, that the Miss Missouri dream became increasingly prevalent in my mind. Sitting on the patio of my room overlooking Lake Victoria for a week straight I began to realize that I -- my fears, my doubts, my insecurities -- was holding myself back. Largely stemming from a heartbreaking (but so so so so so so good for me) loss for the state FFA officer candidacy, I did not want to put myself out there and spend all my time preparing for something that was likely never going to happen. After a few heart-to-hearts with myself and God, I realized this dream wasn't going away for a reason and that I should pursue it, win or lose, with or without support.I decided to try preparing for a local preliminary for Miss Missouri while abroad for the summer. Local preliminaries start in August and there are 20+ contests awarding 30 titles across the state until mid-February. I color-coded the dates of the different preliminaries in my planner and began working on my paperwork. I even watched Miss Missouri finals night from my bed at 3AM June 18th last year, taking notes and rooting for the girls that I knew or had heard of before. Every few weeks I would do mock Skype interviews with two pageant friends and conduct more research on a "platform" issue that I would use if I won a local title. Rico and I would attempt to work out in this hot, old gym warehouse space on the icipe campus. From attending the fitness class offered to cycling on a stationary bike without any resistance, to walking around campus and using the textbooks I brought as makeshift weights, I tried. Yes, I was new to the whole gym AND pageant prep process and I didn't really know what I was doing --- but I tried and that's what mattered.I realized that my talent would need more work, given a summer without playing, so I enrolled in xylophone lessons for the fall semester at Mizzou. My teacher Anna and I listened to different songs and finally decided on my comfort zone -- Hungarian Dance No. 5. I played this song as my senior year solo contest piece and remembered most of the notes. Miss Missouri requires a song of under 90 seconds and for those of you who are familiar with this song, it did not fit in that time frame. Anna and I cut out measures we didn't like, made a background track, and she helped me on the technicalities of playing that I wasn't familiar with. Hours of playing the xylophone in my dorm room ensued and finally I felt prepared to compete in the next local preliminary, Miss Springfield. At the end of the competition, I came home the winner of a scholarship with the Overall Talent Award. As I grew busier and busier with schoolwork and time ticked on, I contemplated not competing and waiting until I was older to begin again.But, the nudge persisted..just try it, just try it. one more time.Christina Stratton, our current Miss Missouri's Outstanding Teen, posted on Facebook encouraging girls to compete for Miss Kansas City's Outstanding Teen and Miss Kansas City at a pageant later in the month. She included her story of what led her to Miss KC last year where she was named one of three OT titleholders and said something along the lines of "if it's always on your mind, you owe it to yourself to give it a shot."On my desk at school, in the middle of a 23 credit hour semester, I stared at my "quote block" and read:

Every accomplishment begins with a decision to try. 

After years of self-doubt, I owed it to myself to not quit now. If I wanted to one day become Miss Missouri or Miss America, I had to first try. I sought out help and prepared the best I could for Miss Kansas City and had the most fun out of any pageant that weekend. Why?Because I wasn't focused on the outcome.I had no expectations for how the weekend would end up and knew that if I didn't win, it wasn't meant to be right now. I remember praying backstage that I would remain calm in what's to come and that my hands would hit the right notes so that maybe a young audience member could fall in love with the xylophone like I did so many years ago. I made fast friends with other pageant contestants (one of whom happens to be my sorority sister!), fell in love with a cute teen contestant and met some music professors from the University of Central Missouri. I had one of the best interviews of my life during the competition....so much so that I told a story of my dad throwing bull private parts at me to "toughen me up" when I was younger. Maybe I should stick to stories about my cats :)Little did I know, my life would change that night. I was in shock when my name was called as Miss Crown City, a title that was added the morning of the pageant. I get goosebumps thinking about the moment. The sweet teen contestant that I adored throughout the day, Kylie, was now my sister queen. The two former UCM professors...they were the parents of my now director Kari and members of the Miss KCSO Board.I remember starting to cry well after my crowning moment and thinking what is wrong with me, but hearing a voice that said "this is your time, you did it". It was a whirlwind of a night and one of the only things I remember is turning to one of the board members and asking "when is Miss Missouri orientation and when is Miss Missouri?". I did not think I was going to win, but was so content and at peace with the process that it truly didn't matter the outcome. This is a stark contrast from Missouri FFA State Officer interviews and the mindset that I had with preparations for that experience.I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason, but God sure surprised me with this one. You think you have a plan figured out of what your life is to be but I've received curveball after curveball that has led to some of the most phenomenal moments of my life (looking at you, Kenya). I could not have predicted the amount of growth, strength and confidence that would come from such a short amount of time, from my crowning less than 3 months ago.#LifeAsMissCrownCity can be difficult. There are times when I have wanted to quit. There are times when I look at myself and still battle with thinking that I am not "x, y, and z" enough. There are times when I'm driving two and a half hours to or from an appearance or prep weekend and feel defeated, exhausted or a combination of both. There are times when I've messed up on my talent, had a bowl of ice cream, or forgot to post about my week on social media. That's okay. If I undergo struggles for one younger girl watching me to believe in herself and feel like she can compete for Miss America, then I am doing my job.What I've come to realize in three months is that the Miss America Organization isn't looking for a "cookie cutter" girl, someone who is trying to be this perfect person and never shows her flaws or real life mishaps.

 Take our Miss America, Savvy Shields, for example. She posted a selfie once highlighting the lipstick on her teeth. Relatable, fun, transparent, warm. My 8 year old self was scared of ever actually pursuing my dream of Miss America because I didn't feel that I fit the "mold" or expectation of what a Miss Missouri or Miss America is.News flash: there is no mold. The same Holly Enowski that existed three months ago is the Holly Enowski writing this post preparing for what is to come in 30 days in Mexico, Missouri. "Miss Crown City" still lives in Eldon, Mo., plays with her six cats on a regular basis, jams to Sam Hunt on the radio, takes 25 minutes to decide what to eat, makes a bucket list and fantasizes over the day when she will finally return to Kenya. My platform "From Plate to Politics: Feeding Missouri's Future" stems directly from what I learned growing up on a farm, through the National FFA Organization, while interning in Kenya and through the World Food Prize. Now, it has a fun title and I have a platform of which to speak about these issues across the state. Children's Miracle Network Hospitals was important in my life before I joined MAO -- as a triplet, I was prematurely in a CMN hospital and wouldn't be here without them.There is no other organization that celebrates women in the areas of service, style, scholarship, and success as well as Miss America. It is through this organization that I have become my best self and recognized the value in just being me. I have become more and more of myself through this experience and wow, has it been transformational y'all.In thirty days, my life will undoubtably change. I will walk away with the title of Miss Missouri and a platform to spread "From Plate to Politics" on a state and national scale, or I will walk away with 8 more months as Miss Crown City and with the best support system in all the state.I owe it to every little girl who has wanted to try for something but didn't feel "x enough" to compete as 100%, authentically me -- as the agriculture lovin', xylophone hittin', Children's Miracle Network supportin' triplet who happens to snort when I laugh.Here's to thirty days of pushing forward and trying...breaking molds and spreading From Plate to Politics: Feeding Missouri's Future...and sharing both the challenges and the highlights of my journey. The support has been absolutely humbling and I hope to represent rural Missouri well next month.This one is for you -- every accomplishment begins with a decision to try. just try.xoxo,HollyMiss Crown City