Miss NKC | September & October
Hi hi! Two months ago to this day I was selected as Miss North Kansas City and given my last opportunity to vie for the job of Miss Missouri.
Who remembers me in 2012-2014 competing in Outstanding Teen local preliminaries and being disastrous super cute, and then competing for Miss Missouri locals starting in 2016?! If you would’ve asked me if I thought I would be participating in the Miss America Organization now nearly 6 years later, I would’ve laughed…it’s crazy where life takes us and how childhood dreams come to fruition. Lo and behold, my formative years in this ‘young adult’ life have been spent on and off stages around the Show-Me State preparing for, competing in, and experiencing all that is Miss Missouri and I would not change it - the ugly, the bad, the good, and the great.
I never created this virtual space to put fluffy words on an online paper - so let’s get real. It wasn’t the easiest decision to compete again for Miss Missouri, especially knowing this is my last opportunity to do so. It’s an incredibly subjective process and I was admittedly pretty jaded from waiting nearly 2 years for Miss MO and to have another outcome not fall in my favor - an emotion many women in my position experienced this past year. I’m incredibly grateful for my success so far, to be and feel “seen” through this experience, and for the scholarship dollars, but it’s ultimately a competition and my competitive spirit can take things a bit personally.
No one talks about the ‘other side’ of it — the days, weeks, months after coming home from not achieving a dream (aka the hundreds of girls who did not become their state’s representative this year) — but it can really hard stuff to navigate. This isn’t unique to the Miss America experience - whether you’re competing in a career development event for FBLA or DECA, running for state or national FFA office, or making it to the 3rd round in a job interview process just to be told no, we’ve all experienced the ‘flip side’ of a dream unrealized. I really had to give myself space to feel, take a step back, and decide who HOLLY is, external of a crown or a job opportunity.
It can be easy to wrap your identity in something when it’s such a prominent (and public-facing) ambition and I think Miss America - especially with the new branding that focuses on the personal and professional development of the women competing - wants women who are comfortable in who THEY are. One of my mentors is a former Miss Missouri and she always reminds me that Miss America is a stepping stone, not the pinnacle, and it’s not meant to be the highlight of your life. That always brings me such peace to think about — I’m only 24 years old and there’s a lot to life I have yet to experience.
So, why am I here? What made me ‘come back’?
Because I could not let this dream die. My work here is not done.
There is more that I can do to address food insecurity in our state, the Midwest, nationwide, and globally.
There is more I can do to advance awareness on reducing poverty, improving education, and amplifying women’s voices.
There is more of a need for a positive, impactful role model for rural Missourians than ever.
There is more that I can do now to prepare and advance the next generation of MAO candidates.
There is more I can do internally and externally to develop, grow, and become more of the woman I’m created to be.
Most importantly…. #DoItForMaddie (iykyk) :)
plus a little tangent — the experiences you have in the Miss America Organization are not natural. it’s a subjective process. it’s a year-long development exercise that at its best can be uncomfortable and push you to be better. it’s being questioned on current events one second, to questions about your childhood or your favorite food the next. it’s developing and working on a talent when performing might not be second nature. (@ me !!!!!). it’s getting floods of opinions/comments/unfair assumptions/ ‘mean girls’ and navigating comparison, competition, and criticism with grace and a smile, when you may feel something different on the inside. it’s understanding yourself in a new way. it’s progress. it’s growth. it’s becoming a great woman for the world…...and end of my TED Talk. but it’s all of these reasons and more that I’m back. couldn’t let you all down :-)
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And so far, that decision has proved to be the right one for me. Big thank you to the many people who supported me and the amazing ‘fan club’ that showed up at the competition. You know who you are and I am not me without you! Kaycie with KC Face did my makeup for the night and guyyyyysssss it was perfect - love having you on my team!
It’s hard to believe it’s only been 2 months since I’ve embarked on another year of this process. In less than 50 days, I’ve begun to unpack years of un-worked-through emotions, thoughts, beliefs, opinions, and have started taking myself seriously. which sounds so strange putting it into words, but gimme a second.
I vividly remember the first time I made Top 5 at Miss Missouri and sobbing backstage to Audrianna because I was worried I couldn’t do the job (lol wasn’t picked but anywayyyyy ;-) )
— looking back, that emotion stemmed from a lack of pure confidence in myself, but another part was from fear of giving 100% to something knowing there was an 80% chance (4 out of 5) I’d walk away sans crown. This particular situation happened to me 2+ years ago, but I think it’s something a lot of people struggle with: putting yourself in positions where you CAN “fail,” especially when that “failure” is public. giving to something that might not give back to you in the ways that you anticipate or expect. whether it’s a relationship, a difficult class, a new job, a door that opens that you think is great but ends up not being right for you. failure is relative of course - and far too often our perceived failures are not failures after all. It’s something that I’ve gotten better at navigating as I’ve gotten older, but the narrative growing up is perfection > anything, and that winning is IT takes a lot out of the growth and progress that occurs from going through the process. you can grow from trying (read more about that here)
My takeaway from this lil note to you is to take a chance on yourself, and for me, that chance is giving myself one more opportunity to give my dream at Miss America a go. Thank you for being here for the ride :-)
Onto the good stuff. Let’s look back at the last two months.
SEPTEMBER
A few days after I was selected for Miss North Kansas City I met with my director and a member of our board to chat through some things and to introduce myself. Although I’ve competed at Miss Missouri a few times, I had never competed at the Miss Zona Rosa preliminary (now offering the Miss Kansas City, Miss KCI, and Miss North Kansas City titles) and only knew the directors in passing conversations at Miss MO events. It was so refreshing that they gave me the opportunity to tell my story, why I do this, and the values that are important to me… and for me to hear about their perspective and experiences.
Later that week, I visited one of my favorite places (Columbia!) to assist the Deaton Scholars Program Director with the induction ceremony for our new Deaton Scholars cohort. This is a program that I started my freshman year at the University of Missouri and has since had over 700 students across campus, disciplines, backgrounds, and interests work together collaboratively to create community development projects addressing food insecurity or poverty. That same night I had a meeting for the Alumni Advisory Board for the Novak Leadership Institute and a board meeting for The Letter Project.
The next week I attended Missouri’s Bicentennial Celebration with the parade (where I saw Miss Missouri, Callie Cox!) and the Inaugural Ball. I interned for District 58 in the Missouri House of Representatives in college for Rep David Wood and it was easily one of my favorite experiences and rumor has it I’m the best intern in the district. :) Thank you to Willard Haley, District 58’s Representative, for inviting Joey and me to this amazing event. In September, I also watched the Miss Spirit of St. Louis competition and the Miss Columbia competitions, where we added five new women to the Miss Missouri Class of 2022.
Outside of the public-facing events, I am pursuing my MBA at Washington University which this semester has meant three evening classes per week from 6:15-9:15 pm. I’m grateful for the opportunity because if it wasn’t virtual, it’d be really difficult for me to continue with the program, but I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I’m in that weird phase of life where all of my friends are at different stages - some have full-time jobs, some are still in school, some are in undergrad navigating next steps, some are married, some have kids, some are living the multi-hyphenate life like I am - and I have to say no to a lot given that my evenings are taken up with classes. Related to education, I participated in the Small Business School Challenge where I had two small business clients in St. Louis for a 72-hour challenge to work as a consultant to address their issues amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, and I had a weekend class about Leadership Competence that was really interesting.
OCTOBER
I don’t know about you, but the fact that we’re deep into fall already is SO crazy to me - 2021 is flying by. I started October with a meeting at Natalie M. to discuss my Miss Missouri wardrobe and to go over paperwork, branding, and strategy with my director.
So much goes on behind the scenes to prepare for the week of competition in Mexico and this time of year is where we develop and refine our paperwork, lay the foundation for successful events or social impact initiative activities, and formulate key partnerships and sponsorships to make for a successful year. An approach I’ve taken this year that has helped my mindset and growth tremendously is looking beyond Miss Missouri - how and in what ways can this experience amplify what it is that I want to do in the future.
I had the best time “going home” in more ways than one celebrating Missouri State (Joey’s alma mater), Mizzou, and Eldon High School’s homecoming weekends in October.
October was home to National School Lunch Week, World Food Day, World Food Prize Foundation’s Borlaug Dialogue, and the Faces of Hunger Film Festival so it was packed with opportunities to learn about food insecurity and its implications from a variety of experts, thought leaders, and those with lived experience. For the World Food Prize, I was a group leader for a group of 11 high school students and got to guide them through the Global Youth Institute process encouraging them on their pursuit of a world without hunger.
I’m a multi-hyphenate (something I used to feel really insecure about) in that I work a lot of jobs and dip my toes in a lot of things. I am currently a consultant for the Kauffman Foundation where I am working within their rural entrepreneurship focus to develop a database of rural Entrepreneur Support Organizations and to work on establishing the foundation for an upcoming partnership with a group out of Kansas. We had our first alignment retreat for the two groups which was an excellent learning experience for me!
October ended with my brother Harley getting married and celebrating Halloween by giving candy out at home in Eldon.
In between all of that, I made frequent trips to Kansas City over coffee and had virtual conversations to further refine and develop my brand, my social impact initiative, and my paperwork. I don’t know how to describe this process other than taking things, ripping them apart/starting from scratch, and seeing what resonates to mesh the two together, go with the original, or create something new. I’ve had pretty much the same paperwork for 3-4 years with minor tweaks or additions of awards, activities, jobs, etc., but the messaging has remained the same. It’s evolving with my own evolution and that’s definitely something I’m most excited about as I continue on this next (and last!) chapter as Miss North Kansas City.